No fucks to give
I'm personally thriving, but looking at the state of the world has me feeling completely detached
I’m working very hard on building my nutrition coaching company right now. I honestly don’t think I’ve ever worked harder in my life. I also don’t think I’ve ever felt so much purpose in my life. That’s all great! New feelings, learning lots, enjoying the process. Positive momentum is building, and I’m here for it!
My life is very local right now. I’m working, going to the gym, going to my orchestra, visiting the city center, visiting friends. I barely use my car, I just bike, or take the bus. Living local has been the biggest change for me since the pandemic, and I feel like it’s a sensible way to live that has a lot less impact on the environment.
Things are going well in the gym too. I’m close to my PB’s and I hope to smash all my PB’s in the next powerlifting meet at the end of March.
All in all, personally I’m doing well.
Yet….
If I look at the world at large, I immediately feel detached. I seemingly have no fucks to give. I’m quite sure it’s a coping mechanism because the alternative is to start crying.
The feeling started with the war in Ukraine, which directly impacted Ukrainian colleagues of mine at the time. I felt horrified, and I could not imagine the scope of their emotions.
But, the world kept turning. Coverage of the war lessened, it was now our new normal. Even though it’s far from normal!
The start of the war in Israel had less of an effect on me. It’s almost like my emotions were numb? It felt like “oh, yeah, another war. What can I do? Nothing. I have zero influence on this.”
In the newspaper, I read and see about the horrible reality people in Gaza are living in, and it feels so wrong to feel nothing. I feel guilty about it. (And I don’t mean to make this about me because in the grand scale of things I don’t matter, at all.)
I started thinking about why I don’t feel anything, and I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s because all the misery fits the narrative I currently have of the world. It seems to me that we, as a human species, are going in the wrong direction completely.
What is winning en masse right now: greed, hate, violence.
Personally, I’m more about: being okay with having enough and not needing more (money, stuff), wanting other people to also have enough, and wanting other people to feel safe. And violence just seems stupid entirely.
Yet, billionaires are increasingly putting their mark on the world. Governments are getting more right-wing. War is increasing. Capitalism is ever more growing. Climate change doesn’t get the attention it deserves. We don’t seem to see the long game.
I can’t do anything about it. And apparently, because of this, my emotions have decided to switch off whenever I read the news. I have become a nihilist, without meaning to? Maybe I’ve become a misanthrope, even?
Is this healthy? I have no idea. Like I said earlier, it feels like a coping mechanism.
I’ll keep living my local life. I won’t litter the streets. I will be kind to the people around me. I’m not buying a lot of stuff. I’m actively trying not to do harm to the world. Oh yeah, and I’m sure as shit not producing any kids (sorry, mom). I guess that’s my contribution to all this insanity.
How are you dealing and coping with it all?
Thanks Maaike for sharing your thoughts!
My first impression when I read your post that you definitely give a fuck!. Otherwise you wouldn't reflect on your coping mechanism and question it :)!
In fact, you even inspired me to write a longer version of this response later as a blog post!
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I believe, It is normal to feel overwhelmed with the over exposure to news. Each one can take their time to deal with these feelings then transform them into actions. At the end, each one can find a space in their domain to do a bit more instead of falling into nihilism.
For instance, if someone works at the tech industry (like me), they could do things like:
- Raise awareness in talks, blogs and any platform about the impact of the unethical applications of technology.
- Raise questions when invited to an event sponsored by a company providing infrastructure for military, enabling oppression.
- Put pressure on Generative AI companies that exploit data annotators in the global south, steal copyrighted work and ingest training data from extreme media (e.g. OpenAI with AxelSpringer).
- Amplifying voices of big tech workers groups who stand up and try to pressure their companies to cancel military contracts (e.g. Project Nimbus).
- Question the government spendings on contracts from IT firms with controversial practices (e.g. Palantir).
- In case of founders, perform due diligence on the services/APIs they pay for, see whether this entity has any problematic associations, or strong positions in favor of discriminating against a certain group.
- Investigating VCs/Angel Investors portfolios, when raising fund as founders. Make it clear that you won't accept the money if they invest in companies with harmful/shady applications.
I can go on and on with examples for tech workers, founders, artists, and more!
You might feel, all this is nonsense, it won't make a big impact! But let me give you a couple of examples from history:
- Polaroid provided the apartheid government in South Africa with the devices to make ID cards and passbooks, enabling segregation. A group of the employees kept pressuring their company in the 70's to cut ties with the oppressive racist regime. They were few, they could surrender to hopelessness but they kept pushing, and it worked. Other companies followed!
- IBM supplied punch cards for "military logistics, ghetto statistics, concentration camp capacity" to the Nazis in the 30's. I imagine some employees in the US (and Germany?) recognized what was going on, but probably they just said this was out of their control and did nothing!
It is for us to decide what position we would like to take, despite the despair, doubt, and probability of zero impact!
At the end, it is all about doing our best regardless of the consequences! It is all about finding a community that cares, to raise awareness, to keep our humanity and sanity, to not be defeated by the destructive forces that benefit from the withdrawal of good people!
And like the Lorax said "Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It's not!" :)
My coping strategy is much the same as yours, mainly self care, which is partly selfish but I know that I can't look after others without looking after myself too, so there is that. And like you, I'm also doing okay, but very depressed about the state of the world, and painfully aware of the limits of individual actions in the face of systemic problems. I still try to do what good I can, and surround myself in a little bubble of sanity in a world going insane. Much love to you Maaike